I've had something like 20 people come trotting through my place the last couple of weeks. Strangers. My condo is up for "show" as I try to leave my home of 7 years (!) for a new abode down the lane. So all these people are coming by and they leave and no one makes an offer.What is it that they are looking for, I wonder? What makes a person want to buy a home?
Of course the answers to all of life's questions are found in one place: Survivor. Yes, the show that proved that peanut butter is a prize worth getting naked for has shown me the secret of what people really want in a home. You see, they merged the tribes this week on the venerable show that kicked off the endless cycle of unreal reality tv (so you know who to thank when you're watching Flava Flav living it up on the Surreal Life). So part of the merge process is deciding which of the two tribes' living space the mega-tribe would call home.
Somebody from one tribe shouted "We have no rats and tonnes of coconuts!"
The other tribe squealed, "We are so there, baby!"
"But we have blood-sucking ticks galore."
"Don't care. You got coconuts? Su casa me casa, hombre!"
And in two seconds they're off.
What have I been doing by keeping my floors clean and bathtub scum free? Well, okay, keeping the floors clean ensures that no small piece of lint is mistaken by potential buyers to be rat droppings. But I had a nicely arranged bowl of fruit on my counter just for presentation sake. I had bananas, apples, tomatoes (which I'm told are fruit), and some oranges. No coconuts. What was I thinking? Now I could see it clearly as people came to view my place:
"Not a bad size. 5 appliances, good. Big balcony...what's this? No coconuts! What the-? Where the f--- are the f---ing coconuts?! He expects us to buy this hole and doesn't even have the decency to put out some f---ing coconuts???"
So without further ado, I have added the coconuts.$195k buys you 625 sq.feet and all the coconuts you can jam down your gullet.
Make me an offer.
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